


I'm Here for You

by quantumoddity



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Absent Parents, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, James Hamilton is useless, Love, Loving Marriage, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 10:09:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7930678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quantumoddity/pseuds/quantumoddity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Finally, Alex managed to cough up the words, “I wrote my dad a letter.”<br/>Eliza felt her hands clench into fists automatically.'</p>
<p>There are some things you can't let go of without a little help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Here for You

**Author's Note:**

> More fluffy Hamliza, this time with a little angst. I hope you like this, if you do it would be super cool of you to leave a comment and let me know why!

“I love you. I love you; I love you, Eliza Hamilton. _I love you_.”

That seemed to be all he was capable of saying. Maybe he’d finally snapped. The words seemed to be as uncontrollable as the tears that ran down his cheeks as he dropped to his knees in front of her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his head against her lower belly. She was crying too, her shoulders trembling delicately with bewildered but happy sobs. She fastened her fingers in his long bedraggled hair, still wet from the rain he’d ran through to get home after she’d called him at work saying she needed to tell him something important, something that just couldn’t wait until he eventually staggered back of his own accord. He’d guessed immediately; they’d been trying for nearly a month now.

He cried himself out before she did. Alex got to his feet; pulled her into the tightest embrace he dared and drew her over to the bed. He sat; she straddled him, still weeping softly into his shoulder, ruining his shirt.

“God, I love you,” he murmured into the hollow of her throat, in between the soft kissed he laid there, “I love you, Eliza, so, so much.”

She felt his hand slide over to its familiar position, back where it belonged over her abdomen, over where the fourth little Hamilton was tucked away. Her’s joined it, their fingers entwining.

“I love you too,” she breathed in a shuddering gasp.

 

 

Eliza would never get used to the feeling of being so unbalanced, of having so great a weight inside her that it felt like you were going to tip forward whenever you tried to stand up. She was just starting to get the full impact of it, of the changes taking place. As much as it made her smile, it was distinctly inconvenient when she had things to be doing, when they had a charity ball to get to.

Eliza caught sight of the clock in the reflection of her mirror as she was carefully applying her eyeliner. Alexander was running late, surprising nobody, but Angelica really was going to murder them if anything went wrong tonight. This was a big night for her law firm; all her famous family members needed to be present and correct and on time. Alex had promised to make it home at a reasonable hour and even he wouldn’t dare mess with Angelica with something like this. So where was he?

Eliza was ready, hair and make up and dress as good as she could get it. Given she was five months along, she wasn’t ever going to look perfect, the shadows under her eyes, the unwashed look of her hair and the pale of her face weren’t exactly going to go away. But she’d accepted that, accepted the fact that she and Alex weren’t going to stop until they had enough children to stage their own amateur production of the Sound of Music. So she’d had her sisters, Angelica and Peggy, help her find some reasonably glamorous evening dresses that could accommodate a body that was growing another human being inside it so she could still participate with her family that apparently was always going to live at the epicentre of politics.

Eliza put down the mascara and sighed irritably, with another glance at the clock. Her husband usually got a little better and not staying at the office until his head hit the desk when she was pregnant. He usually managed to make a little more time for her. Was this going to be another one of those times when she would have to drive to the Treasury and drag Alex into the car by force, turning up at wherever they needed to be with him looking like he’d been dragged through a hedge maze made of paperwork backwards? Angelica would have an aneurysm. Maybe they should just fake their deaths and flee to the Arctic Circle.

When she got downstairs, the children were bouncing around on the couch cushions, shrieking that the floor was made of lava. Little Alex Jr, not even three years old yet, was doing his best, waddling ungainly from cushion to cushion, not even making an attempt to avoid the carpet but just excited by all the noise. Angie, as bold and as loud as her namesake had been at six, never even faltered once though she always made sure she never went too far ahead so she couldn’t go back and help Alex Jr. There was Phillip, however, her first little boy though now he was getting so big Eliza cried about it sometimes when she was alone. He hurtled around the room kamikaze style, attempting impossible jumps without thinking, only realising what a bad idea they were once airborne. Alex, his father, was in every leap and bound and near sprained ankle.

Eliza watched them for a moment, getting caught up in their game, smiling dreamily. She loved them so much she couldn’t believe it sometimes. But she needed to go and see if the sitter was here yet; they really needed to get moving and of she stayed here any longer the kids would pull her into their game and there was no way she’d be able to resist them. Eliza went to the door but froze halfway down the corridor.

Alexander’s car was parked outside, she could see through the window. And he was sat in the front seat, his arms crossed, his head bent over the steering wheel. What on earth was he doing? He was…was he crying?

 

Alex jumped half a mile when she rapped her knuckles on the window, almost striking the top of his head against the roof. He looked so drawn and so sad, his face streaked with tears and red with salt, he didn’t even try to hide it. Eliza winced slightly and moved to open the passenger door.

“Mind if I take a seat?” she said quietly. Alex nodded, ducking his head a little embarrassedly.

So she slid in next to him, waited while his sobs turned to hitching sniffs. She knew how to deal with him when he was like this, she knew not to push him. So she just waited, only reaching out to place one of her hands on his head, playing with his hair the way she always did to calm him down when he got upset.

“You look really beautiful,” was what he eventually said, nodding towards her evening dress.

Eliza gave him a gentle smile, so sweet it almost made him start crying again, “Thanks.”

Alex gave a long, shuddering sigh as he wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand. The dark circles under his eyes were getting really worrying; he was undeniably exhausted. And it wasn’t his normal exhaustion, his constant look of being on the edge, like he lived on that second exactly before downing a can of Monster in one drag. Something was wrong; he looked like he was losing a fight.

Finally, Alex managed to cough up the words, “I wrote my dad a letter.”

Eliza felt her hands clench into fists automatically.

She’d known Alex for a long time now and she’d never met James Hamilton or even spoken to him. But she’d seen the damage he’d done to the person she loved most in the world and that was all she needed to know to decide she’d like to punch him. Hard.

“You wrote him a letter?” she repeated, trying hard to keep her face and voice level, feeling Alex’s anxious eyes on her, “I didn’t even know you knew his address.”

“I sent it to my aunt in Scotland. She passed it on, she was always okay with me,” he confessed, miserably.

“Right,” Eliza nodded, remembering him telling her about the aunt who’d sent him some money to help him out after his mother and cousin had died.

Alex swallowed, trying to shift the lump in his throat. His lower lip was trembling like he couldn’t control it. Her heart breaking a little, Eliza reached out and put her hand on the back of his neck, her thumb kneading gently. He leaned into her touch gratefully.

“I…I sent it after we found out about the new baby. I wanted him to…I don’t know. I thought he might…” he trailed off.

“Oh Alex,” Eliza murmured softly.

“I sent him pictures of all of them, of Phil and Angie and Junior and a copy of the sonogram. And that one of all of us from the time we went hiking around your parent’s place. I told him all about our kids, how wonderful they were, and you, I wrote _pages_ about you, Eliza. I wanted him to know…I thought he might…I asked if he wanted to come and visit. To stay with us for a while. See his grandchildren, get to know them…see me.”

Eliza didn’t quite know how she should be feeling about this. She decided not to say anything for the moment.

“I got his reply today, I had it sent to my office.”

Alex held out an envelope with its seal torn open, her husband’s name and work address printed in a spidery, careless hand on the front. Eliza took it, freeing the single page inside. The letter, in the same loose, structure less pen, was short, not even filling the single side.

James Hamilton was in some financial trouble, would his son be available to loan him some money. That was it.

Eliza had decided; she was furious.

“I shouldn’t have sent it, I know and I’m sorry. I talked myself out of it a thousand times since I was a kid, after I met you, after we got engaged, every time we got pregnant. I knew it was a fucking stupid idea, I knew what he’d do but…I thought this time…I’m so happy now, with you and the kids, its beyond anything I could have hoped for growing up and I thought…”

He was losing his grip again; the words were choking him. He was shaking. Eliza held on to him as tight as she could.

“I thought he wouldn’t be able to hurt me any more. I thought I was strong enough now.”

He broke, his face crumpling as he began to cry again. Eliza pulled him into as good a hug could be managed in the cramped available space, getting up and kneeling on the passenger seat so she could hold him as his whole body shook with tremulous sobs.

She couldn’t stand it, “Alex, he isn’t worth this. He just isn’t.”

“I _know_ that. I’ve known that since I was six years old, Eliza. But I still hoped, like a fucking idiot.”

“I know, I know,” she tried to soothe him, wishing she’d kept her mouth shut. She couldn’t be annoyed at him for doing this; she couldn’t reproach him. She’d seen the ripple effects of what his father had done throughout his life, in the way he thought he had to yell to be heard, in the way he’d been genuinely terrified at the prospect of being a father, in the way he needed her so desperately to remind him he was a good person, worthy of love. It still scared Eliza now, even after being with Alex for so long, she still worried that he saw himself as living on borrowed time, that he wasn’t meant to be this happy and one day it was all going to come crashing down around him. That was the legacy James Hamilton had left behind him.

“Listen,” Eliza said softly, moving Alex so she could look directly into his eyes, “You should be so proud of what you’ve achieved, even more proud because you did it without him. Blood doesn’t mean shit Alex; your family is the people who care about you. God, I know that better than anyone. I care about you. Your children care about you, your friends care. Would that be enough?”

He nodded furiously, tears still dripping from his chin and ruining one of his more garishly patterned work shirts. Eliza put her hands against his head and kissed him hard just to prove her point. He tasted of salt. Midway through the kiss, she pulled away with a short groan as she felt the baby inside her begin to kick and writhe uncomfortably inside her.

“Oh come on, aren’t you tired yet?” she sighed at her belly, half laughing.

Alex gave a damp smile, “I’m on it.”

He placed his hands against the gentle slope of her body, feeling the heat and movement of their child through her dress, moving his thumb soothingly. They’d realised that Alex had some kind of magic touch when it came to calming their babies down, which was strange given that calm was the absolute last word that anyone would ever use to describe him. It was like he gave it all to other people, to his children and his wife, leaving nothing for himself. But it worked; every time Eliza was jolted awake at night by the familiar restless shifting, she had only to shake Alex into something approaching consciousness, get him to throw an arm around her and the touch of his hand would be enough. And it was enough now, the restless nudging against her skin soon settled. Eliza grinned at the change in Alex’s expression and kissed his forehead, silently thanking her unborn baby for illustrating her point so beautifully. They stayed like that for a while, until he calmed down, until his heartbeat slowed and his breathing returned to normal.

“Guess we’re late for Angelica’s thing huh?” Alex sighed.

“We’re not going,” Eliza said firmly, “We’re going to go inside, get some blankets and make some popcorn and watch Disney films until the kids fall asleep. Then I’m going to jump your bones. Sound good?”

He laughed helplessly, a slight blush rising in his cheeks, “If there is anyone whose going to survive blowing off Angelica, its you.”

“Yeah, especially when I tell her it was your fault.”

“Oh, great.”

 

Ten minutes later, Alex and Eliza were dancing around each other in their kitchen, pulling things together while smirking at the sound of their children bickering over what film to watch. As she was just leaving to get changed, Eliza felt Alex reach out and catch her by the arm with a short, “Hey.” As soon as she turned, he kissed her deeply, lifting her right off her feet, her legs locking around his hips.

“Thank you,” he murmured against her collarbone as she squealed in mock indignation, “You’re an angel, Betsey.”

“Any time, Alex.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I'm goofing around on tumblr if you want to check that out, quantum-oddity


End file.
